Die tonight.

My life over the last few months has taken a drastic turn. Now I'm in the middle of a divorce that, after reading old posts in this blog, I totally saw coming. I have a great new boyfriend in my life, Mark, and I'm finally back in OC, working for an awesome Doctor and really learning how to be an adult.

It doesn't come without pain and frustration though.. not so much for the loss of Erik, because well, I fell out of love with him and that's just that.. my pain comes from how different life is turning out for me. I had a plan. I had dreams. I was going to take my forever and live it. All I wanted was to be a wife, a rock, a partner in a team. I never had that... and it's all I asked for. I was expecting to be discussing pregnancy options by this point, and looking at homes to purchase. I just hate having things fall apart. and it's worse because I know it's my fault. I married the wrong guy. The guy who didn't want a wife, or a baby. I should have held out, but I'm kind of hopeless. I live in my own fairytale wonderland, and lately I've realized how much I need to get out of that. I'm doing a good job. I work my ass off, and I'm getting my body healthy again, and dammit.. I swear on my life that I will be a mother. Before my 30th birthday.