I've decided to start a personal blog since my myspace isn't used much anymore, and I don't feel that complaining about life on a wedding blog is very nice. Anyways, life has been upside down and backwards lately, and I feel like I'm losing grip. I was depressed for many many years, but I was so proud to get out of it, and swore I'd never go back... I lied. There are so many curve balls being thrown my way right now that I'm so ready to give up. Let me explain:
There is this ULTRA RAD band, TOY ROBOT, that I happen to play keyboards in. Well, as some of you know, being in a band has stresses, and mine is no exception. Everyone else lives in LA, and it is no problem for them to play, practice, ect. Well it takes me an hour to get there, and I am going broke. But I love them so much I can't give it up. Not to mention a certain someone in my life is making this super hard by not wanting to support my dreams.... that's a different story though.
Speaking of that certain someone, we have been non stop fighting lately. Whether it's band related, or wedding related, or whatever else strikes up a fire at the moment, it SUCKS. I can't do it much longer. I thought I was so done with drying over boys, but I was wrong. Why can't he just support me? I'm not asking for much.. just for him to say he's proud of me. Is that so hard?! It hurts so much. I love him with all my heart, but I'm so lost. I don't wanna quit my band. I don't want to give up my friends. I have sacrificed so much for this relationship, and I can't do it much longer. I know he makes his sacrifices too, and trust me, I know I screw up, but I need a little positive in my life.
I feel like I had my life all planned out, and everything was going to work. I would be married, with my puppy, and in a couple years, be cute and fat and pregnant. Now I don't know if that will ever happen. These baby cravings have been getting so so bad, and I Know he resents me for it. He HATES HATES HATES kids... and that is something that is becoming so real lately. Am I making a mistake? I never thought I would say that but I fear it may be true.
Anyways, enough of my nonsense. Goodnight.
